I Wake Up at Noon

And I feel fantastic.

DSPS, or delayed sleep phase syndrome, is a circadian rhythm disorder that prevents from falling asleep at least two hours past the socially acceptable hours and, consequently, waking up at least two hours later than usual as well. Nearly 15 percent of adolescents and adults have DSPS.

I don’t know who came up with an idea of sending children to school at 7 in the morning or starting work at 9 (not a coincidence, really), but I hate both those people.

As long as I remember myself, I struggled waking up. Back at school my mom used one silly technique to get me out of bed. She would give me 30 minutes from her first warning (there were at least a dozen) to when she would spray freezing water over my face. Almost always it ended up with me running around the house looking for a towel, while remembering what other swear words I am yet to say. To her defense, she never enjoyed it either.

At uni, my 10 alarms made my roommates plot my kidnapping— in which they actually succeeded on the day of my bachelor party—, my dismemberment, and my execution in most excruciating ways. Not surprisingly, I would miss all 10 of them and wake up in the afternoon, when my roommates got back home after their third class.

Last year I ran a sleep experiment. I disabled all alarms and only went to bed when my body demanded it. Turns out my normal waking hours are around 10:30. And while I had my suspicions that late winter sun might have shifted my schedule, I confirmed the results once again recently, after going without alarms for the whole month of August and the first half of September.

Yes, my body needs at least 9 hours of sleep. I go to bed between 1 to 2am and wake up at 10:30. What was new during this last experiment is that it took one alarm to ruin my sleep schedule for a good week. It’s been 7 days, and the earliest I woke up was today, 11:45. All for one Monday morning appointment.

Needless to say, I hate our world, built by and for “early birds”. Those who naturally wake up early have a ridiculously unfair advantage they take for granted. Back in the university days, I felt broken and misunderstood. I was the only one with the messy sleep routine, and jokes from my roommates didn’t make it better either. But discovering these things about my body made me nearly invincible. I no longer have mood swings or energy dips. I don’t have an “afternoon crash”, and I never feel sleepy during the day. I just wish I learned it sooner. But I am happy I have the rest of my life to learn more cool things about myself.

And I am sure, there are many.